A parent's natural instinct is often to head off any negative experiences for their children and to keep life comfortable and consistent. However, allowing our children the opportunity to take responsibility, problem-solve and ask for help when needed is vital to help them build resilience and cope with the many challenges life throws our way. This is important, as research consistently shows that greater resilience is associated with greater wellbeing (Mesman et al., 2021).  - Dr Laura Dassos, Clinical Psychologist

Resilience, simply defined as “positive adaptation following adversity”(Besser et al., 2014, p. 2) has received unprecedented attention over the past two decades due to its association with positive social relationships, better long-term adjustment to childhood adversity, lower levels of lifelong drug use, improved quality of life, lower rates of suicidal behaviour, and lower pathological symptoms.

Often resilience is viewed as a trait, which minimises its multifactorial and contextual nature. Here we argue; resilience is not a skill or a trait itself, but instead a developed outcome that is relative and variable in nature. It is a sum of many moving parts.

Resilience is then a dynamic process, one that involves the interaction of risk and protective resources. In other words, resilience is the product of one’s traits, skills, and appraisal processes, that interact with their environment.

Many individuals when exposed to adversity suffer from long term pathological consequences yet, a large minority do not. It is from this later group of individuals that we can learn attributes and resources which distinguish adaptive from negative outcomes, and more importantly how they interact to buffer stress and in some cases nurture growth.

“She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails.” ― Elizabeth Edwards

A plethora of protective factors have been correlated with resilience such as; self-esteem, self-efficacy, hardiness, positive affect, optimism, hope, internal locus of control, adaptive coping, and intelligence. Family factors such as, caregiver support, higher emotional attachment to family, parental concern, and proactive parenting, are also strong predictors of resilience. Mancini (2019) explains that when an individual is exposed to an acute stressor, other individuals automatically gather around them. When people feel cared for and support (positive social feedback), the individual experiences improved psychological gains including increased functioning, wellness, affect regulation and ability to access resources.

Framing situations curiously then opens opportunities for growth, rather than despair.

Protective factors such as hardiness, and social support are contextual, interdependent, and interrelated. Whereby, a warm and responsive attachment to caregivers make it more likely an individual will develop adaptive emotion regulation, higher levels of positive affect, self-esteem and self-efficacy. This nurtures an internal working model, where the child perceives themselves as worthy, perceive others as reliable and available, and the environment is experienced as challenging but manageable with support.

According to Fredrickson's broaden and build theory (2001), self-belief and self-regulation cascade to flexible appraisals and coping skills to better manage threatening situations. As Sturgeon and Zautra (2010) note the interaction between “resilience resources” (individual traits) and “resilience mechanisms” (how we feel in the moment and socially interact), are critical in the development of our coping responses and outcomes.

Together, this bidirectionality between individual and social factors foster approach coping, that is “actively moving towards a stressor in order to seek information, social support, and plan ahead” (Allen, 2021) in efforts to diminish or disengage with a stressor.

Illustrated by Tiyani Fernando

Self-reflection

According to Crane and others (2019), resilience can be developed after exposure to a stressor through an individual engaging in self-reflection on their coping process. Once an individual has insight into the strengths and limitations of their coping, self-efficacy beliefs improve; diverse and effective coping strategies are explored; and access to coping resources are expanded

Applying this to an educational context, a student may be stressed about an upcoming mathematics assessment and engage in self-reflection on how they have coped in the past with upcoming assignments. They may gain insight that relaxation, planning their time and doing past paper questions helped them cope with the stress, over procrastination or not planning their time. While these insights may not lead to behavioural changes immediately (after all a teenage brain is still developing), the self-reflection process opens space for growth.

Either way, negative life events no matter how big or small, present opportunities to learn and adapt. This can lead to positive changes in self-beliefs (e.g., an exam result is not one’s entire identity and value – my friends and family still love me the same), and to changes in approach that increases one’s readiness for the future.

“A child’s ability to explore their world is based upon the security of their relationships” – Dr T Berry Brazelton

Research is clear; a loving and attentive parenting style nurtures self-belief, positive affect, self-efficacy, emotional regulation, social trust, and cooperativeness, that together enable approach coping.

Noting the shift of influence from parents as attachment figures in childhood, to peers and other external relationships in adolescence, allows us to appreciate the variability and development of resilience. Highlighting the importance of laying a secure foundation from which our children can adjust and thrive.

Try this!

As parents, you can foster resilience in your child by:

  • Providing a nurturing, safe, and supportive environment. By being attentive (not necessarily acquiescent) to their needs, expressing warmth and acceptance, and laying firm boundaries.
  • Where safe to do so, allow natural consequences of actions to take place - let your child make mistakes. This provides a learning opportunity to develop a skill that will far surpass any one-off grade or outcome.
  • Promoting problem-solving and asking ‘how’ questions (e.g., “how might you cope with XX”). Avoid evaluating the answers immediately, instead let the creativity flow before working through the benefits and challenges of each suggestion.
  • Encourage your child to engage in self-reflection on their coping. What has worked for them in the past? What were the barriers? How can they improve on what hasn't worked?
  • Model adaptability and approach coping – for example, when you make a mistake, acknowledge it and talk about different ways of responding/coping in future.

Every child is different. If you feel your child struggles more than most children when approaching new situations, or frequently engages in avoidance tactics despite your efforts, please reach out to one of our school counsellors who can provide some resources, strategies, and where necessary clinical support for you and your child

Further resources:

School TV has a suite of resources dedicated to resilience:

References

1Besser, Zeigler-Hill, Weinberg, Pincus, & Neria, 2014, p. 2

2Sturgeon & Zautra, 2010

3Domhardt et al., 2015

4Wingo, Ressler, & Bradley, 2014

5Schei et al., 2015

6Roy, Carli, & Sarchiapone, 2011

7Collishaw et al., 2007

8 Luthar, Cicchetti, & Becker, 2000.

9 Collishaw et al., 2007

10 Rutter, 1985

11 Hystad, Eid, & Brevik, 2011

12 Sturgeon & Zautra, 2010

13 Domhardt, Münzer, Fegert, & Goldbeck, 2015

14 Masten et al., 1999

15 Williams & Nelson-Gardell, 2012

16 Chandy, Blum, & Resnick, 1996

17 Leon et al., 2007

18 Bender & Ingram, 2018